It's just what Paul said...

3-12-2015

This morning I'm really struggling with life. My boys are sick. It's early and I would have liked to sleep in just a little longer. They have already started being brats, and I just don't even want to deal with them. Any of them.
Last night I was perusing pinterest and came across a little pin that said "Mantra for a mom who yells....and wants to stop." This was something I couldn't pass up. I clicked on it, read it and thought about it for a bit. Then decided this was something I needed (desperately) in my life. The main idea was about mindfulness, and when you were getting ready to open your mouth to speak, to anyone but especially to your kids, that you stopped for a second and think to yourself "loving voice", and then proceed with a loving voice, tone, attitude. I want that.

So when I got up this morning, earlier than I wanted  because Corbin was up which woke Emmett up....and then Martyn was up and complaining of a head ache and fever, there was a lot of crying for me to do things, before I even had a chance to go pee. It was hard to want to have a loving voice, or attitude. I started thinking about what Paul said, "I don't really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do what I hate." (Rom. 7:15) Why is it so hard to just do what I want to do, what I know is right? It even seems like it should be simple, right? It is not a simple thing, to lay ones self down, and put others first...even others whom you love dearly.

I've decided to commit to a few things this year, concerning my family. I know it's the middle of March, the year is nearly a quarter gone and I'm a little late on the draw, but I figured better late than not at all. I suppose I'm posting this for accountability's sake.

1. I am committing to build my kids and husband up everyday. This means to talk to them and interact with them in a loving way, to extend kindness and compassion when I least feel like it, and empathy. Even when I'm frustrated, and feeling like I just really need them to do what I say, when I'm feeling like I need to get my way and it's obvious that I will not be.

2. I am committing to set aside time each day to pray for each of them individually, with no distractions. This is really tough for me to do and to admit to in the first place.. It's another of those things that falls into the category of "wanting to do, but just don't do"...my mind wanders. It's really tough to set time aside...it means I'll have to get off social media more (which I also desperately need to do) and I'm lazy.

3. I am committing to stop lecturing. Both to Eli and the boys. This is especially tough, because it's a way of thinking that has been ingrained in me for as long as I can remember. But the fact is, I hate getting a lecture. I hate it so much, it makes my blood boil and I want to punch the lecturer in the mouth. Why then, do I so often subject my loved ones to such lectures? I know why.

It's just what Paul said.