No eye contact

I don't exactly remember this happening, but I think my parents and some other adults in my life when I was a child, withheld eye contact from me for punishment on occasions. I don't specifically remember an occasion that happened, but I have noticed when I'm angry or annoyed, I tend to with hold eye contact from people....adult people, not kids.
I only just realized this today.
I've been in an annoyed, seething funk all day and tonight at dinner I realized as I sat down with my family that I had been avoiding eye contact, nearly the entire day. I asked Eli if he remembered his folks ever with holding eye contact as a sort of punishment, and he said he doesn't remember anything like that. Then he asked me if I had been mad at him all day, because that's what I was doing. I wasn't specifically angry or even annoyed with him, but since I was in such a funk, he definitely took some of the brunt in that way.

What a strange concept. That eye contact could be such a treasured reward, or lack of it could be such a hurtful punishment. I also find it very interesting that for myself, I noticed I was only doing this with the adults in the house today, not the boys. That makes me think I need to make a conscious effort to not with hold eye contact with them at any time. I have noticed they all seek it out too. They want me to look them in the eye, and I want them to as well, so I know they are paying attention to what I say. Sometimes I've noticed when he's getting a lecture, Martyn's eyes totally glaze over, which makes me so angry I could smack him! I don't. But I feel like I could.

I need to work on some anger issues in my heart.
Something that has built up over my entire life it seems, I'm always the one overlooked. (Always is such a strong statement....I should say almost always.) I think the feelings I've dealt with in that for all these years, come flying to the surface when I feel like I'm not being heard, especially by my family. Boys and girls, men and women, simply communicate differently. Girls learn at a much younger age than boys, how to read faces and body language. I think I need to start working on facial expressions exercises with my boys already.